Why should I attend a “men’s group”?
Men need men.
I’ve run a small men’s group since August of last year entitled Fellowship by the Fire and I’m pleased to say it has benefitted both the men attending as well as myself. We meet physically monthly, gathering around the campfire for 6 hours, during this time we discuss whatever topics are on our minds, practice woodcraft skills and drink vast amounts of brews. There is a sense of we are all in this together, whilst each of us is experiencing our own challenges sharing the adversity gives us the sense we are all in this together, that we have a place that we can talk openly about it even if we don’t want or need a solution.
This has got me thinking more about the merits of men’s groups and below are some of these thoughts.
As men grow older friendships take a back seat to relationships, kids, work and such. When you speak with friends it’s always “we must catch up properly soon” or “when we meet up next” then another six months passes by and we send the same text/WhatsApp saying the above, repeat ad infinitum until it seems like a lie to even type the message.
Research carried out in 2021 states that 31% of the survey participants who were male said they did not have a best friend, loneliness which has been identified as a “pandemic” of mental wellbeing is clearly a genuine and difficult challenge to face and resolve.
Throw in perhaps a lack of interest in “approved/culturally accepted “ male spaces such as team sports or drinking down the pub (which is more difficult due to the ever rising price of alcohol let alone the fact that drinking can be socially isolating as it is more and more frowned upon to drink regularly) and it is incredibly tricky to meet with likeminded men.
A men’s group allows a place for connection and interaction with peers, as well as feeling like a place of support and inspiration, where the group members are available to all to share their insights and experiences with all, as well as a perspective that is not that of the individual attending it.
A men’s group can help those who are experiencing challenges to have a brave space of other men to discuss topics that they do not either feel comfortable or capable of sharing with their partner or family members, often feeling as the “man” they need to have their shit together and have all the answers, a belief we have all had at some point I am sure and one that is frankly ridiculous, no man is an island, to try and work through the battles of life alone is a sure way to go mad in a world where the odds can already feel stacked against you.
Many men I have discussed talking openly about problems with have stated they could not say it to their partner as they would be concerned that it would diminish them in the eyes of their partner which is a sad but understandable statement, worry about not being “the man” can be very pressing and not wanting to diminish oneself to your partner is important to our perception of ourselves as a man- men’s groups can offer a place where without judgement you can express your concerns knowing that many who are there have already had these concerns themselves and that the concerns expressed will not be used in a later argument with their partner.
As an old proverb say-“ if you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together, “ being part of a men’s group will offer you a support group to enable you to go deeper into your own perspectives and mindset as the group will reflect, support and also hold you accountable to your statements,
A men’s group will also help you break out of the mindsets which no longer serve or support you. Enabling you to break out of the often self or societally imposed perception of what a man is or is not supposed to be. It can also help you to redefine what being a man means to you, as well as a place you can hold these discussions without concern that you are being offensive unintentionally.
Men’s groups are not a one stop cure for all the challenges and concerns we can carry or take on, but they do offer the space to have some much needed presence in the moment with others who are travelling the same terrain, as well as give somewhere to feel connected and community. In a time when men are feeling isolated, lost and many are choosing to end their lives rather than carry on -the suicide rate among males in 2022 was approximately four times higher than the rate among females. Males make up 50% of the population but nearly 80% of suicides. we need to find ways that men can be supported without being judged or made to feel like they are unworthy of value. Men’s groups are one route we can take to this.
a side note following this article, I have just crossed the 100 subscribers marker which is incredibly pleasing as well as humbling, I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for your interest in my writings.